Saturday, January 24, 2009


I was reading a blog and they were talking about family and friendship and when a person or people go from just being friends to actual family and it sort of made me think of home and that feeling you get of home

I posted this comment

You know... this reminded me of like this feeling of when you move right? whether it is to another home in the same city or same state or out of state or country but either way you move to another "home" and at first you feel like you are a visitor to come home and yeah its your stuff and your place but the neighborhood is still strange...the spaces inside are still foreign and then one day... weeks or months later especially after unpacking you just reazlied "hmmph!" this is HOME ...I finally feel like I belong to his hood and to this space

Your home is family too! You know? Animals/pets and even inanimate objects like jewelry or furniture feel like "home" or "family" because of history behind them passed down.

When I travel and I really am trying to travel more I definitely enjoy it but after a few days I cant but help feeling a bit home sick and its funny because when you know you are coming back and you finally land or drive near home again you feel this comfort... this safety... the feeling of "home"

Friday, January 2, 2009

Who said you cant have your cake and eat all too?

Am I picky? Yes!
Do I have standards? Yes!
Are they high? Yes!
Is that bad? No!
Why? Because its porn!

I been meaning about writing this blog for the longest time but I never did until now since I am here (hence "No longer censored").

In a world especially in a land where I am from where it is all about the whole physical. You got to be this thin or this tall or this big or this color or this or that yadda yadda yadda!

I think if there is one place you can totally feel not guilty and not feel judged and feel completely comfortable and get everything you want it is with porn.

Yup! I watch it... come on if you never have then you are A) lying or B) really religious I suppose LOL but come you can watch porn in ALL flavors. If you are into big boobed blondes then they have that. If you have foot fetishes or are into S&M then they have that. Point is... whatever you are into they got it and porn is probably the place that doesnt judge you or care what you are into cuz all they care about is making you happy for whatever you are into.


What do I like? I am into feet! I like blondes! I like boobs but they have to be big but like fit the body big.....its like guys who buy rims on their cars but sometimes they go tooo big it looks wrong. I like nice asses....but its more a foot guy. I hate dirty feet... I hate foot jobs... I like sexy shoes with clean pedicured feet.

You know what I dont understand? Is why all girls that are considered "teens" are always flat chested??? They obviously arent going to my high school where lots of slutty girls had natural big boobs hahahaa

I also dislike seeing porn where they girl is all looking into camera as they are doing it. Such a turn off! or when they obviously are making OOOOOOOOOOOH AHHHHHHHHHHH about anything...its too much man...LOL but really girls shouldnt be looking into a camera especially when its supposed to be a "real" scene (i.e. pizza delivery guy comes hahaha comes!).

What I am saying is that "Hi! My name is ....Slim Shady and I am addicted to porn" LOL...yeah its all I got damnit. Do I need to get a gf? Of course! and hey its 2009 and who knows it can happen man!! WOOHOOOO but in the meantime Amber in Slutwhores 3 will do in a grip of the hand! LOL!!!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

May this site set me free!

I have been here many times checking out a couple blogs from time to time and thanks to my friend Mary I decided to come here because like her this place can definitely set your free and you can been as uncensored as you want (well what I mean there is that I no longer have to worry about certain people like family reading my stuff on Myspace) and really say what I want to say and be open and honest with my emotions and feelings. I have written many blogs and many personal but I always hold back. I will continue to blog on myspace but I think when it comes to what I really want to say I will post it here

Again Mary said in a blog of hers that she said she was craving something but was not sure if it was love, work, etc etc to make her feel like complete or satisfied and that is how I been feeling for the past year to be honest. Last night at my company holiday party at the "after" party I was talking to some coworkers and this question came up about you know you want more in life and we are sold at a young age that we need love to feel complete or we need to have a career in order to have success or we need to have this or that to make us happy when the reality is you can be happy at any time and any moment in your life if you CHOOSE to be because in the end its all about YOU and no one can make you feel anything unless you allow them to.

Yeah I grew up with the American dream that I had to go to college to get a "great" job and that I was going ot meet "the one" and after that both get careers THEN get married then have a kid and live in a white picket fence house. Yeah I was THAT naive! But life doesnt go the way you think it will and things always change and for me I always felt I needed to get married to feel true happiness. It wasn't the career but love that had me up until this pats year thinking it would bring me total complete satisfaction in life and true happiness. I have changed alot of the past years. I have become bitter in many ways and jaded beyond jaded on some many things. I almost now FEAR marriage due to hearing great friends, coworkers and online people divorcing.

Do I want to be in a relationship? HELL YEAH! But do I want to be having fights and breaking up a year or years down the road? They say its best to have loved than to have never loved at all and I have loved but I have never had such a relationship where well... the move in kind or the marriage kind. I had one true love and that relationship was the greatest but yet the roughest toughest thing when it ended even to date I am still in pain here and there about it. Yes, I have moved on and yes I have put that final chapter to rest but once in a great whlie it still comes up and hurts because even to date there are some things that have not been totally admitted or said but I will always love her no matter what. I was and am sorry for what I said and told her but it was all out of hurt and pain for what she did at the end and way after it was over. I am not putting all blame on anyone because I am not perfect and no one is. Shit happens and diarrhea happened there!

I do have issues! I am not confident and I have fears. I have been doign online dating since early May and to date whenever I do go on dates they are great and they are cute and i want to see them more but they juts smile and give me the yeah lets do it but then dont call or lie or deceive. I know whats wrong... its me ...phsyically they are not attracted to me. I am either ugly and definitely my body. It sucks because even when I was thin nothing happened so I relaly must be just not attractive to anyone that I like. That stings and really hurts a lot. I am a great nice guy but *sigh* I just dont have it... I dont have that well thing that women want or need and I do fear being alone but you know what? Fuck it if I am... little by little as time goes by I am more okay with that. Better to be alone than to be in a jail cell with someone you just dont love or want to be with.

Damn straight! I am free! Here is to Freedom!